I've spent quite a bit of time now thinking about all the things I have gotten to experience in the last three years. From the moment I was laid off, my life has been a non-stop adventure. Driving through the US, I took in each moment. Every mile, every view, every new person I met, every old friend or family member I got to spend time with, every bar, every field, every landmark, every time-change, every inch I got further east I felt blessed. I remember crying at the thought that right at that moment, my dream was coming true. Driving alone across this beautiful country will stay with me forever. There were sunrises, sunsets, storms, clouds, peaks and valleys that I remember perfectly. I remember having to slow down to drive around a family of cows in a free-range area. I remember seeing a lake entirely covered with black and white birds. I remember looking across Nebraska and feeling so American it was in my bones. I loved the nature, the wide open space and the reminder that there were still places in the world untouched by technology and modernization.
I changed back then. I went from a highly extroverted social butterfly to someone who truly enjoys time alone with myself. I still enjoy my time with others, but on a vastly different scale. I learned that being quiet and allowing the world to speak to you brings peace. I learned that when we try to run away from the voices in our head, we end up unhappy. I learned that life has an energy, a flow, and when you tap into it and follow the stream everything feels easy.
Since that day three years ago I have not felt fear. I can feel uneasy, I can feel impatient, I can feel curious; but fear isn't possible anymore. Fear comes from a place of control, a place of distrust, a place full of a lack of faith. Three year ago something happened to me. I didn't cause it, it just was. And since that day, it has been. I somehow tapped into the flow of life. I felt at ease, suddenly peaceful right in the middle of chaos. Every day since then, my life has been amazing. Sure I've had bad moments, difficult experiences and sadness. Life isn't about always smiling, it's about finding your smile again and knowing that whatever occurs, you will be able to find joy again.
I realized while talking to a friend last night just how grateful I am for my life. I have done everything I ever wanted to do before I died, I have more friends and family members than I can even keep up with and I have to write lists of the places I've been just to keep track because they are too numerous to recall off the top of my head.
My life is beginning to change again. I can feel a different energy accumulating. I'm so excited I'm nearly giddy at what is on the other side of this change. I have no idea what it could be, what it'll mean or where it'll take me, and yet I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. And this feeling is exploding inside of me. I had to get some of it out...so I hope you will forgive me this blog. I promise it's not to brag or show off. I'm just happy. And loved. And blessed. And I hope you all realize you are too. Everyone's story is different, but if you look at your life from the inside out, you'll see that your life is a story worth telling. I'd love to hear it!
God bless you. And if you're someone in my life, thank you. I love you all :)
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